Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i out mim tonsoeep
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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