You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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