You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
