Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
