So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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