Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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