She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
