The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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