My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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