you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
