She is in my trunk
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
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he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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