well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
