i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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