ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
