My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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