I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
