I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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