Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
