Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
