sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
