He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
