I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
