i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
