sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
