I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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