There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
