I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
