I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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