his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
