omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
