party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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