i would one night stand the shit outta him
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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