Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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