Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
