I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
