life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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