Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize