so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
