Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
