we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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