My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
