Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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