I hate your face
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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