seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
