You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
