you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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