Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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