The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
