I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
