I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
