We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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