I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
