I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
