dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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