a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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