I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
