God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize