I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
