Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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