Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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