i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Randomize
