I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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