I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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