so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize