Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize