I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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