I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
how does that bad decision feel?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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